You Mean a Lot to Me
by Shizuka Diamond
Summary: DISCONTINUED! SEE PROFILE FOR EXPLANATION! Harry is having a little trouble sleeping. Hermione helps him out.
1. Default Chapter

**Disclaimer**: The only thing I own is the plotline. everything else belongs to JK Rowling.

**Summary**: Harry has trouble sleeping, Hermione helps and wacth as things escalate from there.

**Warnings**: none I only rated it this high because I wanted to be cautious. Well i guess i do have one warning. this story is unbetaed so I'm sorry if there are any mistakes. I used spell and grammer check but that has been known to make errors too, so I'm sorry ifyou find a lot of mistakes. I proofread it as well but I may not have got everything. Sorry!

**A.N.:** Yay for me! This is my first fanfic ever! I'm so proud of myself. Finally after reading thousands of other people's fanfics I'm finally posting my own. This is great. I'm so happy. Alright everybody, I need you to do a favor for me. I just want you to review my story. Please! With sugar and cream and cherries and whatever you want on top. Just Review! I need feedback or I can't improve. Tell me, am i good? am i bad? should i never write again? Something. My only condition is that you be polite. In other words, NO FLAMES! NEGATIVE CRITICISM IS APPRECIATED JUST BE POLITE ABOUT IT! I believe that there are other ways to get your point across without being mean. So use them. Thanks for reading my fic. i'm so happy. Yay!

_blah blah blah _ Harry's thoughts

**blah blah blah **flashback phrase

And on with the story!...yay!... you're reading my story...i'm so happy..

The Burrow was very quiet. Of course it should be, it was after all very late. Harry yawned, and sat up straighter on the window seat in Ron's room. He was so tired, but he couldn't go to bed. If he did the nightmares would come back, and Harry didn't think he could take anymore.

He didn't want to see anymore of Voldemort's depraved activities. He didn't want to see Cedric die again. He didn't want to hear his parents taunt him about how worthless he was and about how everything was his fault. He didn't want to see Sirius…. Harry closed his eyes in an attempt to block the tears.

No matter what he did, no matter what he tried the nightmares kept coming back night after night. He had tried legal cures first. Meditating before sleep and playing soothing music. When that didn't work he took more drastic measures like taking a few of Vernon's sleeping pills. Probably more than he should have, he now realized. He found quickly that that only worked for a while and after a two days, the nightmares came back and were longer thanks to the drug induced sleep.

Harry was desperate by then and one night he raided Vernon's brandy cabinet and dedicated himself to getting thoroughly smashed each night. Once again he soon realized that it wasn't really helping with the nightmares but he couldn't stop. Even the he nightmares came back in the sleeping moments, he was able to forget in the waking moments and he found himself getting more drunk more often.

The Order, who were already worried when he happened to mention in passing that he was popping pills, became frantic when the customary three days had gone by and they hadn't received a letter from him. They stormed into the Dursley home to find an intoxicated Harry and an indifferent Dursley family. Harry had been taken away to the burrow and nursed back to sober health and The Order gave the Dursley's a piece of their mind for not doing anything to help Harry or restrict his access to liquor.

Harry sighed. It had been two weeks since he'd come to be at the burrow and Harry was back in good health and in fact he was almost content. The Weasley's were as great as ever and Hermione had even come to visit once she'd heard the Harry was sick. If it weren't for Voldemort running around and ruining lives, Harry would be quite happy. Harry yawned once more and looked across the moonlit room. He smiled when he saw Ron sprawled in one of the beds and snoring like and elephant.

He really didn't have to share a room with Ron this time. With Fred and George living above their shop, Charlie in Romania, Percy in his London flat, and Bill living with his long time veela girlfriend Fleur, their was plenty of room, but Harry had thought, or hoped rather, that having someone else in the room might limit the nightmares. He was wrong.

Yawning once more, Harry stood up and decided to go for a walk hoping it would help him sleep. He crept silently out of the room and downstairs into the lighted kitchen. He grabbed the emergency keys off of the cabinet door and turned to walk through the living room and go out the back door but he took barely a step into the living room before he stopped.

It seems he wasn't the only person in the house that couldn't sleep. Hermione lay curled up on the couch with a book in her hands. Harry stared bemused as he realized that there was something different about her right now. The lamplight cast a glow on her features and her hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail with a few strands of hair falling forward as she read. It took Harry a moment before he realized that Hermione actually looked pretty. Kind of ethereal and yet earthy at the same time.

"Harry?" Hermione questioned.

_Oh no! I've been spotted!_ Harry panicked at being caught staring but quickly calmed down. _She can't read minds. She can't read minds. She has no clue about what you were thinking or about how long you were standing there. And what were you doing staring at her like that anyway. She's your best friend. You shouldn't think things like that about your best friend._

"Harry, are you alright? You look a bit flushed. Why are you up so late anyway? Is anything the matter?" Hermione said in her rapid-fire way.

Harry smiled. Only Hermione could say so much in such a short space of time and still manage to inject a wealth of emotions and feelings into the words.

"I'm fine. Just couldn't sleep." He lied, walking into the room.

Hermione studied his face nodding in understanding and Harry knew that she did understand. Hermione always understood. She patted the seat next to her on the couch and Harry's feet took him there as if on autopilot. Harry had grown a bit in the past few weeks and he topped Hermione by a few inches though he was still nowhere near as tall as Ron. However that didn't stop him form drawing him into her arms, laying his head of her shoulder and begin running a hand through his unruly hair.

Harry stiffened in shock before trying and failing to force himself to relax. He didn't know why he was so tense. Hermione had certainly hugged him before. It was nothing new. But somehow, this seemed different, more intimate. Hermione continued stroking Harry's hair until he began to relax in his arms. When he was fully relaxed and near the point of sleeping. Hermione transferred his head from her shoulder to his lap.

"Want to talk about it?" she asked while still stroking his hair. "It may help."

"No, it won't. All it will do is give _you_ nightmares." He said sleepily.

"All the same you need an outlet for it. If you don't let it out, it'll only keep coming back."

"But, I don't …"

"Shhhh. It's okay. You don't need one tonight. It's alright. Just go to sleep." she said softly and began to sing. Harry had never noticed before but Hermione had a beautiful voice. He wondered why she didn't sing more often.

_It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart_

_Without saying a word you can light up the dark_

_Try as I may I could never explain_

_What I hear when you don't say a thing_

_The smile on your face lets me know that you need me_

_There's a truth in your eyes sayin' you'll never leave me_

_The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall_

_You say it best when you say nothing at all…….._

When Harry awoke he was still on the couch but there was a pillow under his head and a cover over his lower half. He sat up and looked around. Sunlight streamed through the house. It looked to be about noon. A laugh outside drew his attention and he got up and headed through the backdoor. He was greeted by the sight of Hermione and all the Weasley's, minus Charlie and Percy, having a picnic and enjoying the summer sun. Ron spotted him and headed over.

"Hey mate! You're finally awake! You were sleeping so peacefully that we thought it was best not to wake you. Mum made us eat breakfast and lunch out here so we wouldn't disturb you."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to be a bother."

"Oh, it was no trouble. It was just nice to see you actually sleep for once. Now come on, there are still some sandwiches left and afterwards we can play Quidditch."

"Okay."

They played Quidditch all afternoon and Harry didn't get a chance to talk to Hermione at all. At dinner Hermione was so engaged in a conversation with Bill about loopholes found in common curses that Harry didn't think he could get her attention even if he shouted in her ear. When dinner was over Ginny dragged Hermione off to her room to do whatever it was that girls did. Harry resigned himself to the fact that he probably wouldn't get to talk to Hermione for a long time.

He sighed as he walked into Ron's room and plopped down on the bed, his head facing towards the night table. His eyes unfocused before snapping back into focus as he sat up and made a grab for the thing resting on the table. It was a book and a note. He put the book to the side and read the note.

Dear Harry,

This is a wizard's journal. It has a built in clarity charm that helps you organize thoughts well enough to put them on paper and it is spelled to respond to you and you only. Anyone else will fill a mild burn the moment they touch it or zapped if they try to force it open with magic. I hope you'll put this book to good use by using it as an outlet for your dreams, feelings, etc. and I want you to know that I am always here for you, whether it be as a friend, confidant, companion, or pillow.

Love,

Hermione

Harry picked up the book and studied it. It was a beautiful book with a black scaly cover with green velvet lining the binder of the book. It had golden clasps to keep it shut and in between the clasps was an indent that was the perfect size for his thumb. _That's probably how the book recognizes me. I put my thumb in there and it senses my magical signature and opens. _A rather thoughtful and no doubt expensive gift. _How could she afford this? Her parents may be dentists but they're not loaded. I can't accept this. _

Holding the book in his hands Harry stood up and left the room to find Hermione. He found her sooner than he expected. As he passed the third floor he heard humming. _I know that voice. _He followed the melodious sound and it lead him towards the bathroom that Mrs. Weasley and claimed for the girls.

The door was open and Harry stood transfixed staring at the sight before him. There was Hermione . Standing in front of a mirror brushing her hair in her pajamas, and unlike girls of her age, Hermione didn't have frilly or silk, clingy pajamas. She wore sky blue cotton pajamas with little baby chicks on them and somehow Harry found this to be more attractive than any revealing thing Victoria's Secret could ever come up with. Hermione looked…sweet…and pure. Innocent.

Harry couldn't think of anything to say, couldn't have moved if he tried. All he could do was stare in wonder and so that's what he did. For how long he did it he wasn't sure but he found himself sadly disappointed as Hermione hummed the final notes of her song and put down the brush and began gathering her bathing things to leave. Harry finally snapped out of his daze and noticed a few things.

1.He had just been staring at his best friend ion a very non-best friend way.

2. He had stared at his best friend while she was in the bathroom.

3.This would look _very_ bad if he were caught.

_RUN!_ Harry turned tail and tried to creep quietly down the hallway.

"Harry?" _Oh no! I've been spotted!_ "What are you doing down here? The boy's bathroom is all the way on the other side of the house."

Wait, she doesn't suspect anything? I'm saved! Okay, whew! Thought I was a goner for a minute there. Might as well do what I came here to do then.

"Oh so you found the book, huh? Good. So, do you like it?" Hermione smiled.

"It's beautiful, but I can't accept it."

"So you don't like it?" Hermione's smile disappeared.

"Oh no! I really like it's just that it was so expensive…and no offense but you're not exactly rich…and…so much money…I'd feel bad…you could buy school books…and I'm babbling aren't I?"

"Yes, you are. Listen. It was no trouble at all. Trust me. Besides the money was for a good cause."

"But where did you get the-"

"Ah ah ah " Hermione said waving a finger in the air, "That is for me to know and you not to. You can't expect me to tell you all of my secrets now can you."

Harry swallowed his protests and questions before offering her a small smile and said "I guess not."

Hermione smiled back and with only second of hesitation stood up on tiptoe and kissed him on the cheek. "Good night" she whispered against his ear before walking past him and on towards Ginny's room.

Harry pressed a hand against his face in shock before exhaling._ It was just a kiss on the cheek. It was just a kiss on the cheek. It doesn't mean anything. She's kissed you before without it meaning anything. She probably kisses Ron on the cheek too…She'd better not!…Please tell me I did not just get jealous of Ron…Aaargh!_ Harry banged his head on the wall a few times before heading upstairs to bed.

Hermione left early the next morning to spend the rest of the vacation with her parents. She said that now she was satisfied that Harry was doing well, there was no longer any need for her to stay. Harry had blushed upon hearing that but was happy that she cared so much. Time flew by and the before he knew it, it was time to go back to Hogwarts.

Aboard the Hogwarts Express, Harry stowed his stuff in an empty compartment before going around the train to visit people he knew while he waited for Ron and Hermione to get out of a prefect meeting. He dropped in on Lavender, Parvati and Padma, Ernie and Hannah (who were blushing and holding hands, about time too), and Terry, Anthony, and Michael (who seemed to have ditched Cho, guess he doesn't like water fountains either). Just as he was heading to a compartment that held Neville, Seamus and Dean, Harry stopped.

"Yeah, I was shocked too." _Seamus_ "I mean this was her passion. Sure it got on all of our nerves but she really believed in it. When I got her letter telling me she had disbanded it I was shocked."

"Yeah, me too." _Neville_ "Hermione doesn't seem the type to give up on anything." _What! What is going on?_

"Yeah, I feel sorry too but I still wish she'd have given us our money back."

"Dean that's not very nice."

"I don't care, 2 sickles may not be a whole lot of money, but it is money and I want it back!"

"You know she can't Dean. I talked to her before the train left and she told me that she had already donated the money to a good cause."

"Probably just bought a truckload of books." Dean said pouting.

"Maybe she'll start another club. A better one."

"Yeah! Like the Giant's Guard Group or the Pixie's Protection People."

Neville laughed "Rights for the Runespoors…The Centaur's Cause"

More laughter followed and Harry quietly slipped away.

Back in his empty compartment, Harry was doing some deep thinking.

_Why didn't she tell me. S.P.E.W. was like her baby. She must be really upset that it didn't work out. I wonder why she didn't tell me or talk to me about it. Maybe there could have been some way to save the dying club. Well, be honest with yourself, Harry. Would you have really cared all that much? No probably not. Geez you'd think she'd at least tell me that S.P.E.W. was done for and that she had a new campaign going. I wonder what this "good cause" is. "Good Cause"!_

"**Besides the money was for a good cause."**

_Hermione used the proceeds for S.P.E.W. to buy my journal. Of all the things she could have done with it, she chose to use it for me. She could have done anything. Start up a new club, pay all the house elves wages, buy a truckload of books, anything! Why? Why did she use it on me?_

"I'm back."

Harry sat up straighter on the seat and looked towards the door where Hermione was putting down her things.

"Where's Ron?"

"He got sidetracked by the French exchange student." _Oooh. I'm rooting for ya, buddy!_

"Oh."

"You will not believe how snobby Parkinson got over break! I thought she was bad before but now…she's reached new heights. And it's amplified by the fact that she thinks that just because she dyed her hair blonde and grew it long that she's all that. I wonder when she'll realize that no amount of dye or growth potion will change the fact that she is pug-faced and will be pug-faced for the rest of her life. And the things she wears-"

"Why didn't you tell me about S.P.E.W.?"

Hermione stopped suddenly before beginning to look around in her suitcase and pulling a book before answering. "You wouldn't have been interested."

"Just like I wasn't interested to know where the money for my journal came from?"

"Oh, so you figured that out?"

"Yes! Hermione, why did you do that? There was a thousand different things you could have done with that money than use it to help solve my stupid emotional problems!"

"Your problems are not stupid! And I was worried! Would you rather have had me do nothing!" Hermione shouted, her eyes glittering.

"Yes! There was so much you could have done! Why? You could have-could have started a new rights campaign. Something you're passionate about! I just don't see why you'd waste it on me!"

"Maybe because you mean more to me than a thousand campaigns!"

Harry recoiled sharply, before leaning forward to hear as she continued in a whisper.

"I mean-When I heard what happened…I was so worried…and when I saw you. You looked horrible. You weren't sleeping, you weren't eating. So I had to do something, because you mean a lot to me…you really do." Hermione sobbed once as tears started to slide down her face.

Harry stared at her wet face in shock. _Does she really care for me that much? Am I worth that much?_ And it wasn't until Hermione answered that he realized he had spoken aloud.

"Yes, I do…and yes, you are…"

Harry smiled. Last year, when Cho had busted out the fireworks Harry had been confused and unsure, but this time, for some reason, Harry knew exactly what to do. Sliding onto the seat next to Hermione he gathered her into a tight hug and laying her head on his shoulder, he whispered soothing things in her ear. Rocking gently back and forth he held her. It wasn't long before her tears dried up but she still held onto Harry, and Harry didn't let her go. Neither of them noticed the door opening and closing.

Later on, they both lay on the compartment seat, neither awake nor sleeping. "Thank you" Harry said. Harry didn't elaborate. He knew he didn't need to because Hermione understood. Hermione always understood.

**A.N.:** So what did you think? Tell me please. I want to know! Reviews feed my soul.


	2. New DADA Professor?

**Disclaimer:** YES! Harry is all mine! I own him:wakes up: Oh crap.

**Author's Note**: Thanks so much for all of your reviews! I have decided to continue on with the story and make it more than a one-shot because the reviewers insisted it. And I love my reviewers. Another thing is I'M SORRY! It has been so long and I apologize. It's just that I just that I started May term last week and we get like five hours of homework a day and the week before that was Finals Week and the week before that was Hell Week. Plus this chapter is so short so I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. On the bonus side I've only got one more week of May Term before vacation so just hold on until then. Also I apologize for my bad grammar. I have no beta and I really suck at those things. Anyway, Thanks for your support and I'll try to keep it up for you. On with the story.

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Harry awoke to the conductor's voice informing everyone of their arrival and the feel of Hermione in his arms. She was sprawled on top of him and he had one arm wrapped protectively around her waist and the other under his head as a cushion. _I can't believe I slept the whole ride. _He exclaimed before looking down to check upon Hermione. _She looks so peaceful. _He thought.

The lamps of the train had automatically cut on when it got dark and the light cast a glow upon her face. Her eyelashes were tiny shadows upon her cheeks and as Harry watched fascinated, the eyelashes fluttered and opened. Chocolately brown eyes blinked before looking up at him.

_Uh-oh, time for one of those awkward morning-afters I've heard so much about. _Harry braced himself for them oncoming embarrassment but instead found himself paralyzed for an entirely different reason. Hermione smiled a sweet smile at him. Harry, taken aback for a second, paused before smiling back. "We're here now," he said "We should probably dress quickly and-"

"What! We're already here! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! We're late! We're going to miss the carriages! What are you doing still lying down! Get up! Don't you understand that we are late! And I completely neglected my patrolling duties! Oh, Professor McGonagall is going to be so mad!"

Harry lazily got up and pulled his robes on over his muggle clothes. It would be unbearably hot in the Great Hall but it was much quicker than taking the time to undress and redress. He calmly got his trunk down from the rack and picked up Hedwig's cage in his other hand before turning to watch Hermione, who in her clumsy and panicked haste, ended up fumbling, tripping, and taking more time to get herself together. 2 seconds later she raced out the door with Crookshanks in one arm and her trunk dragging behind her in the other. Harry followed at his own more moderate pace.

Neither of them were late. In fact, they got a whole carriage to themselves. Hermione kept insisting that it was only because they got there in 'the nick of time' and that if she hadn't rushed them then they would have missed the carriages altogether. Harry would only nod, say 'Mmmhmm' and smile a patronizing smile whenever she said it though. Hermione was close to smacking the near smirk off his face if the way her hands were twitching were any measure. Thankfully, the ride was short and Harry got through smack-free.

"Did you see Ron at the station? It didn't seem as if he'd come into the compartment at all." Harry spoke thoughtfully as they neared the castle.

"Ummm, no I didn't. Probably still following around that exchange student." Hermione muttered darkly as she buried her nose back into whatever book she had hidden in her robe. "Don't worry, I'm sure he's fine. He can take care of himself. You made sure of that last year."

"Yeah." _But that's not what I'm worried about. _

Harry jumped down from the thestral pulled carriage. And gave the ugly bird a pat on the back before turning to face the masses of students that were thundering their way up into the Great Hall.

"There he is!" He heard someone shout. "Harry! Over here!" Hermione gracefully leaped out of the carriage and they both turned toward the voice. Seamus stood to the left of the stairs waving his arms over his head and jumping up and down. Next to him was his counterpart, Dean and behind them stood Ron, Luna, and Neville. Harry made his way over to them with Hermione following slightly behind.

"Good to see ya, mate!" Seamus said clapping Harry on the back. "We'd thought you'd gotten lost."

"Nope. Hermione and me just fell asleep."

Seamus raised an eyebrow, "Together, or separately?"

Hermione blushed ruby red and Ron conked Seamus upside the head. "Don't be such a pervert Seamus" Dean said as he grabbed hold of Seamus and pulled him up the stairs. "I swear, is sex the only thing on your mind? If it weren't for…" Dean's voice trailed off as they went through the doors.

"Well they haven't changed." Harry said cheerfully.

"They act like a married couple." Hermione commented.

"We should be getting inside." Ron said. Harry tried to catch Ron's eye but he just turned and headed up the stairs. Luna, who had remained still as a statue so far, followed him humming "Weasley is our King" under her breath with Hermione not far behind her. Harry followed slowly with only one thing on his mind. _Ron._

As they entered the Great Hall they all walked to their respective tables with their minds all in their own little worlds. Little worlds that were completely rocked when they chanced a glance at the head table.

"What the bloody hell! What is he doing here!"

Lucius Malfoy was sitting at the head table in all his silver glory.

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**Author's Note: **Bet you didn't expect that. Ha Ha! I was trying to be original in the choice of DADA professor and I think I managed it. Let me know. Oh if there is anything you'd like to see let me know and I'll try to work it in or some version of it. All reviews are fed to my miniature Harry. Please don't let Harry starve!


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